ㄧ種不知道享受的奢侈

整個週末都一直忙著整理新的研究室, 重新讀過一些舊時筆記, 裡面記下的很多想法, 或天真隨性, 或憤怒抑鬱. 那是心裡對整個世界揪著一團不滿與困惑, 卻找不到原因的ㄧ段時間.

從舊筆記裡, 我居然翻到八年多前當我某次鬱悶到最高點時, 仿Sonnet十四行詩的格式韻律寫下的詩. 我真不知道自己現在還有沒有這種隨性(與時間精力). 可能就像哲學家Blaise Pascal說的: "Two extravagances: to exclude Reason, to admit only Reason." (兩種奢侈: 完全不用理性, 與非理性不用). 我想, 在我從沒能了解第一種也是奢侈時, 我不知不覺已經過了享受這種奢侈的階段了.

A sea-side walk

I walked along the shore after a day
Went by silently and solitarily.
My spirit floated under lurid moonlights,
Over the vast sea as waves to the sky heaved.

There my eyes did see many of the dead
Dressed themselves in life and sitting hunched
In a leaf-like boat rowed by pairs of white bones.

The dead chanted about wealth and luxury,
Power and fame in familiar tones.
The dead mourned about transience and loss,
Betrayal and hates as raged hooting owls.

As the dew sunk on my eyebrow chilly
I turned from these tremendous lies of life,
Pulling myself into the glowing dawning light.

(November, 1999, Bath/England)